Blue Christmas

8:43 A.M.
Wednesday
December 26, 2007



Standing there... amidst busy street... busy people rushing around for last Christmas shopping....
Yes it is Christmas once again.

And once again here goes my blue Christmas...
It started some four years ago...
But still and still you're here inside my memory.
The pain is still fresh, the hurt still aches...

I know I would never forget this feeling I felt for you,
Not in this lifetime...
"'til my last breath."

Still my one wish is to be with you on Christmas day...
But it would never happen... I know....I just know...

And now I'm sitting here listening to Michael Franks's "Mr.Blue"
So much for my blue Christmas.


Yesterday... I just slept the whole day away, not wanting to remember anything.
Too tired or too sleepy because of the eve's red wine...
But still the reason for sleeping this much was to hopefully dream of you on my sleep.



I kept my phone near to my ear, wishing some call would wake me up...
None....

I woke up at past five in the afternoon... reading 26 messages,
Yeah.. Christmas Greetings... but none of them soothe my longings... none.


It's so hurting to expect a call from someone,
And it's more hurting when the call didn't came...
None....

Went down to have a cup of coffee, greet the kids , play with them for a while.
Ate my mom's spag--- bread....
Sleep some more.

Woke up at 4 A.M.
Work again.

Arrived at 6:31 A.M.
Yehey!!!! I'm not Late!!!!

work-work-work-
But still hoping for that call....
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting still...
Still...


None.




~Pathetique

you belong there...

you belong there... to them.. to her...

"now where do i belong?" the line goes and goes....
i don't wanna sound so desperate but i am...lol'

you maybe home by now... no message from you.. not a "hi" not a "hello"
not even "goodbye"....

i miss those days... but seems that days have missed me too..now i don't exist anymore..not even a memory...

i still play the songs.. the songs in my heart, though they sound so sad and longing.
still it aches... to think of you..to long for you.

i wish for a second..to wish you we're mine...even for a second.




when the love is gone by ~pathetiquemermaid on deviantART

darn...

i'm sitting here... wonderin' where life would lead me...
for all and evrything.... i just felt so incomplete...
i felt that i'm still lost...

i don't know what else is there for me....
though... i have reasons to stay with my sanity... lot's of them...
but still... i'm incomplete.... and i don't belong ..to anyone... not even to my self....