Triste é viver na solidão ...

I got home at past 12 midnight and I am soaking wet .
Hmmmnn.... I forgot the damn umbrella in my mom's office last Tuesday .
Good for me.
I was hoping to get sick ... lolz such a bad wish right ? Well that's me.

So I stripped off my wet clothes change into Pajama's since it's so damn cold .
The house seemed so quite ...
I turned on my CD player and played my Bossa Collection ...

“ Triste é viver na solidão
Na dor cruel de uma paixão
Triste é saber que ninguém
pode viver de ilusão
Que nunca vai ser, nunca vai dar
O sonhador tem que acordar
Tua beleza é um avião,
demais prum pobre coracão
Que pára pra te ver passar
Só pra me maltratar
Triste é viver na solidão “

Which means :

Sad to live in solitude
On pain of a brutal passion
Sad to know that nobody
can live in illusion
That never will be, will never give
The dreamer has to agree
Your beauty is an airplane,
Prum too poor heart
What stops you see you go
Just tell me mistreat
Sad to live in solitude .

The song is a heart's tragedy ... just like me ...

I resist to weep even my tears are almost blinding my vision ....
So I dried my hair and comb until it gone soft to my touch ...
So I lay there in the middle of the darkness with the rain angrily pouring outside...
I hugged my teddy ... with it's dark shining eyes staring straight back at me .
I can sense that he is mocking me ...
I know what the teddy bear wants to tell me ...
That the person who gave him to me thinks that all I deserve is a cuddly teddy bear .
But then I know that teddy also felt so lonely ...
his owner gave him away and left him with some pathetic stranger ...
So we teddy and I ended up in each others arms seeking for sleep .

Then my phone rang and a friend called... a new friend ...

It was so kind of him to cal me and saved me from my deep solitude ...
My tragic solitude of of a brutal passion , of illusion and sadness ...

I'm sorry if I felt this way sometimes ...
Would it be nice to belong into someone's arms ?
Who will cuddle you through the night and will give you butterfly kisses when morning comes ...

But then I'm happy I'm alive .
Though at times hurting ... I'm happy that I am capable of hurting ...
To know that someday I am capable of loving the person who deserves to be loved ...