ACTUALLY I AM NOT OKAY.
I AM STILL NURSING A BROKEN HEART .
A BROKEN MARRIAGE.
A BROKEN NAME .
i WANT TO SEE YOU SMILING . CONTENTED . HEALTHY .
HAPPY . COMFORTABLE .BEAUTIFUL ..
50 NA AKO I HAVE TO DOUBLE MY TIME .
I WILL DO MY BEST FOR YOU . MALAPIT NA .

- PAPA


Okay ... let me breath first ....
( 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10... )

First I thought it was a forwarded quote from a friend .
Second A " life size " drama ...

Then my tears came racing down my cheeks ....
My papa just replied to my text message .
I have lost contact with him for like almost 5 years ...

I just felt happy ...

I know he will go on again through the same myths he had promised us ( me and my kuya ) over and over again .... It should be annoying right ?
to hear those broken promises ... but no ... I missed them ...
And in spite of everything that has happened to our family 20 years ago I do love my father so much and nothing will change that ...

I have shielded his memories from those bad and negative thoughts people tried to inject on my young mind when I was young ... and I felt proud of my self that I have done such things ...

I realized that when you get older or matured ( i'm getting a bit matured i guess )
" Hatred " will just consume most of your energy... and I am so thankful that I did not hated my papa .

I am not on ether's side , to my mama or to my papa .
They have left me and my kuya in the care of my Lola when we're just children... I was barely six years old ... but there is no grief inside of me... well maybe a bit on my mom ... but that has vanished a long time ago when I came to understand her ...

When I was in my teens I have composed a list of the questions that I want to ask to my papa ...making sure that I will not forget to ask them and get answers from him ... but the " what , why , and where " never seemed to come out of my mouth when I saw him on my High School Graduation Day .
It is still crystal clear that he was there standing in front of me and wearing a black polo shirt with a single white strip in the color with matching black tailored pant .
" Did you became a priest or something ? "
That was the spoiler question .

And if he said " Yes " I know I will die from heart attack for it will be the most impossible thing that would happen to him for he despised Celibacy .

I'm really not sure how many brothers and sister I do have right now ... It's still a figure to wonder for .
I just don't have the courage to ask him that , yet .

It was funny when I think of how many kids he got ...
And would line in front of his coffin when he dies ( well we all die eventually )
It will be a magnificent reunion isn't it ?
I would like to see my siblings too ( and I don't want to deprive them of my beauty , bwahahaha ! )

Well ... this is my reply to him ...

" pa , I am doing well ... no need to worry about me ...
I am a grown up lady now , no . not that beautiful for the ugly duckling did not happened on me but I am still your little one who loves the piggyback ride when I was just a handful.
I just want you to take care of yourself because I still want to see you in my fifties .My youngest son , Charles looks like you so much and I want you to meet the little monster in person . I love you . "